The company doesn't need my decision until February. I have not really made up my mind. This Christmas we are having to juggle families and visit many people.

My mom is having some stupid issue because A. wants to bring a carrot cake as well as whatever other dish of food we are going to take. She keeps wandering around the house repeating "but I'm making pumpkin pie".

I have a feeling that the best part of this holiday will be December 26.

I'm glad someone is still reading. Maybe I should post more often.

Mood: Apathetic | Music: Knock Me Down - Redhot Chili Peppers

Stormy Seas, Unrest Hearts

I realize that I rarely post. I tend to start things and not finish them; it is one of the many things about myself that I would change-- if only I knew where to start.

I am feeling...
unrest
lost
uncertain


They want me to take the job back east (read: boston) on a permenant basis. They have made one extremely tempting offer which includes relocation costs and housing costs will be covered for the first year. PLUS many other benefits.

If I choose to take it it means I will cause someone who doesn't deserve anything less than the best of everything in life - suffering and sadness.

I will possibly have single-handedly screwed up one serisouly good relationship with one seriously good man.

.and I can't really explain why, or at least not here. I don't mean to be annoyingly vague. I dont mean to be dramatic and full of self pity. I just hope the choice I make - in the long run - turn out to be the right one.

Does ANYONE read this any more?

Mood: Confused | Music: Billy Joel - Goodnight my Angel

OH Yeah!

I forgot my password. For almost THREE months, I have been trying to guess my password. I guess ultra-secure passwords are not always such a grand idea.

Finally, during a conversation with A. and he said something that sparked my memory - the spot that held the password opened up and I finally figured it out.

In two weeks, I get to go home. I am so happy about it that I don't even know where to begin to explain it.

No snow storms or anything for Boston - I'm not sure if my job will be bringing me back here this winter; they've mentioned it, sort of. In the sense of "Well, we can give them a few months in the office to get into the routine of things without you, and possibly bring you back out for a refresher course for them around January or February. I hope not. I don't want to serve another four month sentence here. I am so ready to go home.

Mood: Anxious

Goodie. It's Tomorrow. I Have to Share This.

The following is taken from a letter (not email, mind you but a hand-written letter) that A. sent to me. I read it, I cried. I realized that even though his paragraphs were not broken up the same way I have typed it here, it was sort of poetic.

His letter came on half-sheet unlined white paper. I smiled as I tipped the page so that the paper is angled slightly to the left; to match the left-handed slant of his handwriting.

This is the first actual on paper letter I've received in the two weeks I've been out here. (I have also received numerous emails, which are waiting for me each morning, and 2 flower arrangements, and daily phone calls - which we take turns in making). The letter made me homesick.

I split the paragraphs up into verse-like breaks. I've left everything as it was written otherwise. In a way, it is kind of cheesy as far as POEMS go. What I like best about it is: He didn't write it to be a poem. Just his words on paper.

Just a bit of background: Since he works nights, when I was working back home; he would call me at three o clock - every day. Just to say hi.

He did this because he knew it made me happy. He did this because my supervisor strived to frustrate me and make my day(s) miserable... he did this simply to brighten my day. And because after the first day he called me at work... I told him to never stop.

Anyway... I've prattled on long enough. Thank you if you stuck around to read this far...
______

For the first few days,
it did not really occur to me
that you were so far away.

I go about my daily routine,
scratching entries off of my
to-do lists...
until it is the time
that I would normally call you.

I look at the phone, knowing
that if I called at this very
moment, you would not be there to answer.
sometimes this makes me feel sort of alone.

I try to read a book, or watch some television
and find that I cannot concentrate.

In a typical week,
we spend probably three or
four days at a time apart, yet...

Knowing you are so far away
it seems different.
as if when you were (only) thirty miles away
it brought me comfort,
to know that if I wanted to see you all I had to do was ask.

Now, we areon different shores,
and with all of these states between us...
it seems like a lot of empty space.

Now that you are not just around the corner,
I realize that the simplicity of your closeness
is something I may have taken for granted for a long time.

I miss you.

Mood: Happy | Music: Norah Jones - I've Got to See You Again

Just Kill Me Now.

I've been very very busy this past week or so. The office is a disaster. These people have no concept of anything at all.

The current office manager walks me into her 'office' and points to a stack of paper (no lie, it was almost knee high) and said, "I need you to 'help me' make an organized file system for this stuff."

You have got to be kidding me. Have you at LEAST organized it by CLIENT? (nope.) So I fetched an intern (they have three... each of them seem to only be used for trips to the office supply store and to get lunch - crap like that). I hand this intern a sheet of paper with an outline I had written on it, indicating how I'd like to see the stack(s) broken down. [Break it down by Client, (then sort them by date, oldest invoices on the bottom most recent on the top). Then put the invoices older than 2 years in folders and in a file box (labeled as old invoices with the year(s) dates). You get the idea.] (hopefully).

The intern has been working on this (read that: moving papers around cluelessly) for a week. When I checked on the progress, said intern had managed to sort all of these pages by year. (mixed clients in each stack.)

If you have access to a poison that won't cause me a great deal of suffering when ingested, please let me know and we can work out some type of shipping arrangement.

Mood: Disappointed | Music: Lifehouse - Simon

People, People Everywhere

(Ohmigod) Chaotic. Crowded. Convention. This is insane. I have become a shut-in for the most part. I leave the apartment to get groceries, or go to work. I'll be glad when the whole mess is over.

I've survived the first two weeks out here. I got new flowers yesterday.

I would upload a picture of something like my desk, or the flowers but this thing only lets me have 5 total and any time I upload any it replaces my profile image. Since I don't want a desk for my profile image -- I won't be posting any at all.

I have plenty of strawberries and cherries to tide me over while I stay locked in my apartment waiting for the convention to end. -
Mood: Bored

Music: Rod Stewart - You're In My Heart

I got flowers today! With a pretty vase, pink carnations, pale roses (not white not peach somewhere in-between?) and some pretty grenery. it's beautiful. I'll have to look up the other flower names. It was delivered to my office today. I almost cried.

It's very quiet here right now. The housemates are all sleeping. It is only seven thirty.

I am reading the best book. It's called the Time Traveler's Wife. I am trying to get A., the aforementioned boyfriend back at home, to read it, but he claims that he has a stack of three books lined up that he should be reading that he hasn't touched yet.

I responded with, "Great! in the next four months three books should be like cake."

(I think that means I win, but I'm not sure.)

Mood: Loved

Greetings

Ok so here it is. I'm starting this mainly because for the next four months, I am working and living in MA -- away from home (WA) and my boyfriend (A.) and everything else that I know and love.

I hope to have something interesting to say every few days. Most likely this will be a rather dull journal to read, mostly just documenting the events of the day.

That said, most of you may never come back, but who said I was a salesperson anyway?

Mood: Tired | Music: Love Soon - John Mayer